Hat Trick

Though not a hockey fan, we completed our third clear MRI yesterday.  Hurrah.  (A hat trick is 3 goals in one game)

To celebrate, we spent  quality time at the TMC ER.  I've had two problems that my oncologist is concerned about and so he wanted additional testing.  I am a little unsteady on my feet and also experience shortness of breath.  These are symptoms of blood clots which are common side effects of the chemo treatment I am currently undergoing.

We had an x-ray of my lungs, a CT scan with iodine, a Doppler ultrasound of my legs, an EKG, two IVs, and whatever else they could think of.  I was running out of veins for them to poke.  In the end, after 9 hours, no blood clots, anywhere.  We are grateful for all of the good medical staff that helped us.

I gave a talk in church on Sunday.  I talked about experiences in my life that strengthened my testimony of Christ. I also spoke of faith (choice/free agency), repentance (changing who I am), and the atonement (guilt is over rated). I hope I was helpful.

Today I read aloud page 458 of 531 of the Book of Mormon. After Christ's visit in the new world (America) and establishing apostles, Christ teaches the apostles that the the church shall be named after Him.  When the Apostles call upon the Father, for the church, if it be in my name the Father will hear you.

Thanks Melody for helping get all these medical details correct.

67 Squared

There are several ways to square two digit numbers such as 67 in your head.  One way I do it is to split the number into 60 + 7 times 60 + 7.  I multiply the 60*60 and get 3600. Next I multiply the 60*7 and get 420. I can double the 420 to 840 or add it twice.  I'll add it twice to 3600 and get 4020 and then 4440.  Then I add the 7*7=49 and get 4489.  No problem, right.

Well, I couldn't do that a week ago.  I mentioned the short term memory problem I have and how I can't (couldn't) keep more than a few things in my brain at a time.  A week ago I would not have remembered the 3600 after I got the 420.  It would have been gone from my brain.

I sometimes use the squaring numbers trick to fall back asleep when I wake up (which is about every 90 to 180 minutes). It takes my brain off other stupid stuff that's keeping me awake and is boring enough to let me fall asleep.  Of course, last night, I was so excited that I could actually square numbers I didn't fall back to sleep until I'd squared 22, 27, 99, 76, 72, and a large host of others. It was so cool!!!

Yesterday I was writing some software and I noticed I was typing really fast and mostly correctly!  I also noticed I got quite a bit done.  I've also noticed that if I can't spell a word, if I close my eyes and type it, I often get the word.  Weird huh!  I think my brain is coming back after the second cancer.  It was about November of 2014 where I felt like I'd mostly recovered from the first cancer (about 5 months).  It's been about four months since the second cancer.  Maybe in a month or two I'll feel like my brain is back again.  That'd be great to get my brain back :-)

Physically I'm not doing as well.  I find the two week chemo infusions and daily steroid make me tired.  I need a nap or two of 30 to 90 minutes every day.  Usually by 9 pm I am completely exhausted.  If I know I'm staying up late, I take multiple naps during the day to stay awake late. I have trouble with my feet and ankles swelling.  My stomach is swollen most of the time and I have a very restricted diet.

Note that this is not me complaining. This is me giving you data about what cancer treatment is like for me.  I am still very upbeat and happy. I'm grateful for Melody and her love and support as well as all my friends that help and support us.

Today I read aloud page 374 of 531 of the Book of Mormon.  There was peace in the land and the people prospered. Unfortunately, some become very prideful due to their riches and persecuted the poor.  The poor fasted and prayed often and gained humility and became strong in their faith in Christ.

Short Term Memory

Short term memory keeps track of nominally seven plus or minus two items.  Last year (2014) I had radiation therapy and was told by the doctor that it would take about four months to heal what ever would heal after the damage to the brain. I remember well August through November where I recognized a reduced ability to hold and remember multiple items.  One odd behavior is that I would scrub the floor squares in a regular pattern instead of my normal randomly chase spots.  Last week, I scrubbed the floor and noticed I was following the squares again.

To fight that problem, instead of waiting patiently, I wrote "hobby" software of a card game using a Neural Net to manage the AI.  Interesting, I stopped working on it in November of last year which aligned with feeling like my short term memory was back.  I restarted the software fun shortly after the radiation treatment of the second cancer.  Hopefully it will work as well this time.

It's four o'clock in the morning.  I slept from 10 am to about 2 am. I then laid in bed multiplying numbers in my brain. After two hours I got up and am sitting here.

Something odd is going on in this post.  My spelling is very good this morning.  I have not had a single spelling error so far in this post that wasn't a typo that was quickly fixed.  Weird. Weird. Wierd!!!  And Melody is not awake to help me.  It seems ok to me :-)

It's really too early for this, but it's what I do.  Here's me reading the Book of Mormon aloud at 4:44 am :-)

Today I read aloud page 335 of 531 of the Book of Mormon.  Captain Moroni sent Teancum to stop the enemy army led by Morianton from taking occupation of the land northward which would be a danger to the Nephites. Those who survived the battle made a covenant to keep the peace.

How has terminal cancer change my world view?

In the late 1800's and early 1900's when the "Robber Barrons" reigned in the United States, the data shows a peak in income disparity towards the wealthy. The breakdown in income for the top 10%, middle 40% and bottom 50% was 45%, 50% and 5%.  In 1950 the share was 30%, 60% and 10%.  In 2010 the data is the same as in the 1890's.  The current trend is towards wealth continuing to move towards the top 10%.  This data comes from the book Capital in the Twenty-First Century

Recently in Baltimore, an African-American died while in the custody of six police officers.

I've recently expressed opinions and made judgments about these two topics. In the past, I didn't talk very much about political or social topics.  Am I going crazy? :-) Is it brain damage from the cancer? :-)  Am I losing my mind? :-)

Here's some data about many of the books I've read in the last few years.  No real change there. I read the same kinds of books.

Capital in the Twenty-First Century. Thomas Piketty
Stuff Matters: Exploring the Marvelous Materials That Shape..
The Bully Pulpit: Theodore Roosevelt, William Howard Taft, 
The Signal and the Noise: Why So Many Predictions Fail-but.. Nate Silver
The Violinist's Thumb: And Other Lost Tales of Love, War,.. 
Salt.  Mark Kurlansky
Thinking Statistically.  Uri Bram
Sync: How Order Emerges from Chaos In the Universe, Nature,..  Steven H. Strogatz
Nine Algorithms That Changed the Future: The Ingenious Ideas.. John MacCormick
The Seven Daughters of Eve: The Science That Reveals Our.. Bryan Sykes
The Box: How the Shipping Container Made the World Smaller.. Marc Levinson
Killing Lincoln: The Shocking Assassination that Changed.. Bill O'Reilly
The Drunkard's Walk: How Randomness Rules Our Lives Leonard Mlodinow
The Horse, the Wheel, and Language: How Bronze-Age Riders.. David W. Anthony
Supreme Power: Franklin Roosevelt vs. the Supreme Court. Jeff Shesol

I read more news on the internet!  That must be it.  Am I better informed or more confused? Again, not related to the cancer except I have more time to waste on the internet if I choose to.

What about changes to how my brain is working now.  The second cancer, the radiation surgery, the changed chemotherapy, and back to the steroids have had a very noticeable change to my recall of words and my strength level and fatigue and sleep.

Two typical examples of things I can't remember or take minutes instead of seconds to recover. I played a board game Thursday night.  On Friday, when Melody asked what I played it took me a while to come up with "Caylus".  I have soda in my refrigerator (the only non-caffeinated soda (throw back Mountain Dew was therefore excluded from the survey) at Wall Mart with sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup) and it took me awhile to come up with "Sierra Mist".  Sometimes the word never comes. I tend to lose the names of things and people.   Another example of what I struggle with happened while writing this paragraph, I spelled "sugar", "caffeinated", "syrup", and "sierra" wrong and had to figure them out.  This wasn't from typing it wrong. I don't count those.

However, when having a conversation about a variety of topics, I don't feel like I have as much trouble expressing ideas, so long as I don't refer to some names or things. I seem to do well enough with words that represent concepts or ideas. I also am able to play board games and write hobby software with what feels like the same skill I had before.

So, in the end I've give you data and no conclusion.  Sounds just like me!

Warning!!! Melody is not here to edit this and fix my grammar and spelling. Thanks Melody for all you do.

Today I read aloud page 325 of 531 of the Book of Mormon.  Captain Moroni defeats Amalickiah and they have four years of peace in the land.  I like the verse where it talks about the many who died "firmly believing that their souls were redeemed by the Lord Jesus Christ; thus they went out of the world rejoicing". 

Baby Bennett Hancock!!!

Big day!  Baby Bennett is here!!!!!!! I'm a double grandpa :-)

I had a blog post I've been about to write, but now it's going to be very short.

I passed the one year mark around father's day. I'm still here!

Today I read aloud page 311 of 531 of the Book of Mormon. Alma is helping his son Corianton understand how to overcome his sins and exhorting him that he would except both the justice and mercy of God. It ends with sending him to declare the word of truth to the people so the great plan of mercy may have claim on them.

More Photon Torpedoes

Hello friends and family.  Much has happened in the last month.

The first exciting news is that I had more Brain Surgery, this time with Radiation (Photon Torpedoes).   That was yesterday.  It was forty minutes with my head strapped down unable to move more than 1/2 mm.  There were masks on both my face and the back of my head attached to the machine.  I had 2 mg of Adavan to help as I'm somewhat claustrophobic.  I expect that it blasted this new tumor and completely destroyed it.  I expect to recover from this as I did the 30 rounds of radiation therapy I received back in July and August. It took 2 to 3 months to feel I had my brain working again.  This new cancer was confirmed after chemo 5 and is likely the cause of my language difficulties as it's next to the original tumor on the left side that controls language among other things. With it gone there's some hope.

The second change is that I'm on a different chemo treatment.  The first is no longer considered effective as it allowed a visible (to an MRI) tumor to return.  I'll have to get the new medicine name from Melody. It's not oral any more.  I get it into an IV for and hour and a half to two hours every two weeks.

I ended up in the ER at TMC on Mother's day. Sorry Melody! I had pain and sensitivity in my legs that started on the trip home from Utah visiting our children a week earlier.  A week or so later, gross sores appeared along the left side of my legs and the small of my back.  It turns out I have Shingles! I laughed when our chemo doctor diagnosed it and said it's fairly common for old people :-) Warning: if you haven't had chicken pocks or your children haven't, stay away from me. I'm contagious.  I won't be at church for a at least a few weeks or longer until the sores are closed up.

Up until this second tumor appeared I was feeling like I would recover well enough to go back to work for a year or so.  I no longer see this as likely.  I enjoy work, the people, and the challenges we face and hoped I would live long enough and be healthy enough to return.

As always, I'm taking things as they come.  I'm grateful for all the love and support and visits I've received from friends and family.  I'm still up beat and seem to have my sense of humor.

Today I read aloud page 273 of 531 of the Book of Mormon. Ammon praises the Lord for their mighty success in converting many Lamanites to Christ.  Ammon's brother Aaron rebukes him for boasting.  Ammon answers by saying who can glory too much in the Lord. I've always found this interesting that after 14 years as missionaries, brothers are still brothers, and may point out perceived faults.

Cortizone

Cortizo-oo-oone.  "Gives us the niiiiice bright colors. Gives us the gree-ee-eens of summer. Makes you think aaaaaall the world's a sunny day oh yeah" (for my children and other youngsters, Paul Simon, Kodachrome is the song).  Last Friday, I got a shot of Cortisone in the cheek. One more item on my bucket list complete.  Wow.  This is good stuff :-)  My legs, knees, hands, and shoulders feel great!  I'm going to go trim the trees. I got the shot from a lung doctor, but who knew a shot in the bum affects more than your lung?

One lung is enough!  My lazy lollygagging left lung languishes.  It no longer works with my diaphragm. There is no fix. So that marathon I never wanted to run is now off the bucket list.

A good friend asked me what I wanted to do before I move on. I don't have a bucket list. I've lived a great life and am happy with the variety of places I've been. I hope to spend time with family and friends and to help others until I'm 95 years old. Except for the 95 part, I can still do it.

Today I read aloud page 242 of 531 in the Book of Mormon. It talks about the high priesthood of God and the need to humble ourselves to be pure and look at sin with abhorrence.